Love List

Friday, February 16, 2018

Breastfeeding Goodbyes

We have made it to nearly 5 months of breastfeeding and that’s about 5 months over my goal. I’m proud of myself for trying to stick to it for as long as I could. I did everything possible to keep my supply up. From pumping every 2 hours to only exclusively breastfeeding (as recommended by a lactation consultant), to brewers yeast, to fenugreek supplements, to only eating oatmeal and a gallon of water, to healthy eating only to eating the extra 300 calories a day, to drinking dark beer. Everything! I tried everything I could even if it meant I was pumping while driving and washing bottles non stop. My baby was only on boob milk until about 3 months then I had to start supplementing with formula during the day because she would be so hungry. I refused to let her go hungry over anything. We were traveling back to the states (9-10hr flight) and I did not want a screaming hungry child on the plane so I brought formula with me. 

 With my first, I barely made it to 2 months of breastfeeding. I felt so guilty because I felt I didn’t try enough. I was traveling and lost all my milk supply that I had pumped. I got stressed out so I just gave up. He was mostly formula and he’s fine! So with my second I really wanted to just try and give it my all. Some days I felt like such a failure and I would try to remind myself that I’m doing everything I could. If I wasn’t then I get it but the fact that I was stressing myself over it wasn’t worth it. Now we are closing in on 5 months. She no longer cares to take the boob at all and I pump less than an oz. so she’s on formula and I’m ok with it. She’s still growing great and she’s still happy and that’s all that matters to me. 


 I wanted to write about this because I feel that breastfeeding was pushed on so many moms now a days. I remember being in the hospital with my first. My milk didn’t come in until 3-4 days after so I just had to give him formula those days. I felt so much pressure by the nurses, I felt like I wasn’t doing it right. I had them come in check how he was latching, which he did fine but nothing was coming out. They would make me change his position and make me pump and pretty much I felt so much pressure. Even with my daughter after although this time I knew better. I told them from the very start. ‘I will try to breastfeed but my milk took a couple days last time. I’m ok with her taking formula for the time being.’ I made that clear so they wouldn’t pressure me into thinking I should only breast feed. That’s how everyone should go in with this. It doesn’t work for everyone. I knew better the second time around but the point is your child will be fine either way. Fed is best! 

 Now I know so many women gain this sense of connection during breastfeeding and love it. I never loved it, it was really hard but regardless of the way I feed my baby I love the moment I get, holding them, admiring them and just taking in that moment. I think movies build it all up to be this amazing thing and which it is don’t get me wrong but it doesn’t always show the hard moments we go through as moms. I was having a really tough time this time around as I was alone most my pregnancy and delivery (read about Annie’s birth story here) and even now because the military takes my husband away so much but on top of it debating with going back to work and childcare, it’s been very tough. But I’ll update all about that on another post later on. For now I’m thankful of the strength I get from God and from my family even though they are so far away. It’s always helpful to have someone to rely on and someone to tell you you’re doing ok! Don’t ever feel guilty for the way you do things for your kids.


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